I don't know if this is a poem, a rant, an explanation or what this is. The only thing I know is that its honesty. I'm about to get really deep and emotional on you so be cautious. I don't want your affection, or your kind words. All I want is your time, your eyes and your ears.
I fucking hated it
I hated how you always
Made me feel like shit
I hate how people
Compliment my writings
And yet I can never believe them
I hated how
The only compliment
I ever wanted was yours
And how I never got it
I hated how the only person
I ever cared about
For any length of time
Would rather see me in a grave
Than in real life
I hated how I still
Hung
On every word you said to me
I hated how
I felt when you left
And I hated how I let myself
Get to that dark place
Oh which I now call home
I hated how
I couldn't feel happiness
Anymore
But only empty
Useless
Scarred
Lonely
And afraid
I hated how
The only escape
I could find
Was when a knife
Scraped across my skin
That pain
Filled the void
I guess
I hated how
I had zero self confidence
When it comes to anything
In this life
And how
I was mentally destroying myself
Everyday
I hated how
I had to depend on medication
To keep me sane
To keep me normal
To keep me happy
I hated how
I always kept your number
Because inside
I was hoping
For something
That I never got
I hated how
I could never get a women
Yet I felt
And I knew
That I fucking deserved it
More than most assholes ever would
I hated how much of a nice person
I was
Because it never paid off
It never lead to anything
And it made the letdowns worse
The last thing I've always hated
Was myself
My mind,
My madness
Because ever since
I was a teenager
Ive known
That if I didn't find a way out
Then I would fall
All the way down
Into the abyss
In which I would be forgotten
And they would be there
Laughing
By: Jari Jasmin
I fucking hated it
I hated how you always
Made me feel like shit
I hate how people
Compliment my writings
And yet I can never believe them
I hated how
The only compliment
I ever wanted was yours
And how I never got it
I hated how the only person
I ever cared about
For any length of time
Would rather see me in a grave
Than in real life
I hated how I still
Hung
On every word you said to me
I hated how
I felt when you left
And I hated how I let myself
Get to that dark place
Oh which I now call home
I hated how
I couldn't feel happiness
Anymore
But only empty
Useless
Scarred
Lonely
And afraid
I hated how
The only escape
I could find
Was when a knife
Scraped across my skin
That pain
Filled the void
I guess
I hated how
I had zero self confidence
When it comes to anything
In this life
And how
I was mentally destroying myself
Everyday
I hated how
I had to depend on medication
To keep me sane
To keep me normal
To keep me happy
I hated how
I always kept your number
Because inside
I was hoping
For something
That I never got
I hated how
I could never get a women
Yet I felt
And I knew
That I fucking deserved it
More than most assholes ever would
I hated how much of a nice person
I was
Because it never paid off
It never lead to anything
And it made the letdowns worse
The last thing I've always hated
Was myself
My mind,
My madness
Because ever since
I was a teenager
Ive known
That if I didn't find a way out
Then I would fall
All the way down
Into the abyss
In which I would be forgotten
And they would be there
Laughing
By: Jari Jasmin